Esther, Age 12, Dunlap, IL
The glass is not half full
Nor is it half empty
Says the pacifist.
It's half full, dahling,
Says the optimist,
It's half empty, doof.
Someone drank it halfway, and now it's not full anymore,
Enters stage right anarchist.
Says, You know what?
It doesn't matter.
Who cares? Just smash it against the wall.
Enters man in ninja suit from a cable connected to ceiling,
Creeps up and stands next to them.
Pacifist: Who are YOU?
Optimist: I'm Madame Anne!!
Pessimist: Two's a crowd. Five is a riot. Goodbye.
Anarchist: Wait, I like riots.
Ninja: Shh, children. I'm the opportunist.
Pacifist: Is that a word?
Opportunist: I'm thirsty. *grabs glass and drinks it* Ahh. Thanks. Okay, got to go!
Opportunist flies back to the ceiling on cable.
Anarchist: Wow. I get it now!
Pessimist: Now it's all empty. Great.
Anarchist: I'm feeling peppy. *takes glass and throws against wall* Oh, that was nice.
Pacifist: *sobs* Oh, the agony!
Narrator: Now, now. What was the point of this?
Optimist: Oh, we were bored, Ma'am. That's all.
Narrator: It's rather entertaining. You might consider publishing it.
Optimist: What a wonderful idea!
Anarchist: Eh. I'm out. *leaves stage right*
Pessimist: Oh, did you really have to use the word "wonderful"? I'm dying, I'm dying.
Narrator: Just write it all down…
Pacifist: Why can we just get along??