I'll Do You Proud
Amy, Age 13, Merced, CA

Every night
In my dreams
I see you
I hear you

Back in a time
Of no cancer
No pain
No worries

We would hike around the block
Conquering mountain lions
And fierce dragons
Collecting treasures along the way

You came to softball games and
Soccer tournaments to cheer me on,
Always slipping me money
For a candy or sweet

We played ridiculous games
That left us both giggling
And gasping for air
Lost in our own little world

We would annoy Grandma to no end
When I couldn’t eat dinner
Because you had snuck me peppermint patties
All day

We had fun with your
Invisible dog Scooter
Giving him adventures
And an attitude to match

We would sing songs
And have contests to see who
Could “yahoo” the loudest
And who could jump the farthest

You took me to movies
The lake to go fishing
The mall to shop
And out to eat

You had the biggest
Hat collection I had ever seen
I was entertained for hours
Just listening to your stories about them

You were my biggest hero
A hero from the war
I would brag about
How you had saved lives

You were my hero at home
I couldn’t wait to talk to you
To give you a hug and
Get lost in another story

But I am forced from my dream
Of remembering
To realize things will never be
The way they were before

The cancer is eating you away
And I’m forced to be a bystander
To watch my Grandpa, my hero
Waste away

You’ve fought it for so long
Everyone thought you’d be fine
But it came back stronger than ever
Pushing you farther away from me

They say your days are numbered
Down to a few weeks
But I can’t believe it
I won’t

I wish I could see you
Not that you’d recognize
Me anyways
Not the way things are

They tell me you’re not in any pain
But how do I know for sure
I don’t want you to suffer
Any more than you already have

I’m not allowed to see you
I have no idea why
I want to tell you “I love you”
One last time

It can’t be your time to go
You’ve always been so strong
A pillar of strength and now,
You’ve been reduced to emptiness

No one else seems to care
They smile and laugh
When I can’t seem to remember how
When you won’t be there to see it

The truth is so hard
So cruel
I wish I could just relive memories

Instead I have to face the truth
That you are leaving me

I see traces of you everywhere
Everything you’ve done
Everything you stood for
Anything, everything brings a memory of you

I know that
I will eventually move on
But part of me
Will always be with you

I know you’ll be watching me
From wherever you are
And I’ll do you proud Grandpa
I’ll do you proud

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