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Feelings
Samantha, Age 14, St. Peters, MO

Welcome to my misery,
This is where I stand,
Upon a moment in my life
And the people that it had.
You don't know me
And you never will,
It's the way you act
That might just kill you.
No, I don't hate you,
I mean, how could I?
I'm not like you,
I wouldn't make up those lies.
Those feelings of pain
That you so often give,
brought tears to my eyes,
I began to lose all will to live.
These feelings I mention
Continue to stay,
I keep them hidden
Thinking they might go away.
But they never do,
They stay kept in the depths,
Surfacing every now and then.
They call it depression.
But it scares me,
Like nothing else,
It's something that will never be helped.
All those screams, names, and punches,
I just take them with me,
I stuff them deep down inside.
Your judgments I'll never understand,
I'm not what you think I am.
For a while, I almost believed it,
I looked for what you saw in me
And I could almost see them too.
I never wanted anyone's sympathy,
I just wanted more friends.
I almost couldn't deal
With the thoughts that were going through my head.
No one understands the pain
That rips
Tears
And burrows
Into my soul.
It's like a snake,
this pain,
Making its new home.
But
In the end,
I don't want your apologies.
In the end,
I don't want this pain.
In the end,
I want you and everything else
To just go away.
Because in the end,
I want to do the same.
Sometimes I want to end it all.
I just want to leave,
I never asked for this terror.
It's something that holds me,
It squeezes tight,
Through quenched fangs it whispers
"fear me",
It threatens my very life.
Words roll off their grueling tongues.
Words that place fear
Into every part of you.
Words that repeat in devastation.
"the pain would disappear",
"you don't deserve life",
"just go, so others can be happy".
These wicked comments,
They all started with you.
Do you take pleasure in this?
Your laugh,
That smirk,
Your constant glares.
It fuels those voices,
It raises their spirit,
It strengthens them.
The voices,
They are Lucifer,
Satan,
The Prince of Darkness.
They tempt me with death,
They say they can take away my misery,
They say they will help me.
I know they won't
But if only they could.
If only they were the solution,
Or maybe they are.
I can't,
I won't,
I would never be able to.
Or at least,
I hope not.
I'll shrug it all off
And give a smile,
I'll push it back down
And pretend it's not hurting for a while.
Like every word you say
Is just another joke.
Welcome to my misery,
I held it all away,
But now I open these floodgates
To start another day.
This is just a chapter in my life
That I simply want to
Go
Away.

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